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Lawyer : Doctor, did you check for a pulse before you did the autopsy?
Doctor : No.
Lawyer : Did you check for blood pressure?
Doctor : No.
Lawyer : At least for breathing?
Doctor : No.
Lawyer : So, there is a possibility that the patient might have been alive when you started the autopsy?
Doctor : No.
Lawyer : How could you be so sure, Doc?
Doctor : Because his brain was placed on my desk in a jar.
Lawyer : But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
Doctor : Oh yeah. It’s possible that he could have been alive & practicing law somewhere.

Be True to Your Wife…

A married man and his secretary had an affair. One day they both made love all afternoon. Exhausted, both fell asleep & woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed up & asked his lover to rub his shoes outside in the grass and dirt. She did so. He put on his shoes & drove home.

‘Where have you been?’ his wife questioned.

‘I can’t lie to you; I’m having an affair with my secretary’ he replied.

‘We made love all afternoon.’

She looked down at his shoes & said: ‘You lying bastard!’

You’ve been playing golf!’ Isn’t it.

A man boasts to a friend about his new hearing aid machine, ‘This is the most expensive one I’ve ever had. Very much advanced and it cost me $3,500.’

His friend asks, ‘What kind is it?’

The man says, ‘Half past four.’

A guy walks into a bar and asks for 3 beers & the bartender puts them up. The guy says “Happy Birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday”, drinks all the 3 beers, pays for it & walks out.

A year later the same guy comes to the bar again, orders 3 beers and does the same thing he did the previous year.

The bartender watches him & out of curiosity asks the chap why.

The guy says, “Well, I have a friend in France & a friend in London. We have our birthdays on the same day. Since we are not together, we decided that on this particular day we get into a local bar & have a beer for each other”.

Next year comes. The man comes to the same bar & asks the bartender for just two beers.

Surprised, the bartender gives him 2 beers. The guy says “Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday!” & starts drinking the beers.

The bartender asks “So which one is dead? One in France or the one in London”.

“No one.”

“Then why just two beers!”

“Well, I gave up drinking.”

A man was smoking at the airport and a gentleman arrived & asked him – “How much do u smoke/day”.

Smoker: Why?

Man: If you have collected the money you have smoked, the plane in front of you would’ve been yours.

Smoker: Is that plane yours?

Man: Nope.

Smoker: Thanks for your advice. That plane is MINE.

Moral: Too much of advice is injurious to health.

The smoker is none other than, our great Vijay Mallya…