Category: funny stories


One fine night Peter and Emma were on their way home from the bar and got pulled over by the cops.

Police: Sir, you have been stopped because your tail-light was busted.

Peter: I’m very sorry officer, I didn’t realize it was out, I’ll get it fixed right away.”

Just then Emma said, “I told you to get that fixed two days ago. You never listened.”

Police: Sir, Can I have a look at your license?

Peter: There you go officer, here it is.

Police: Sir, your license has expired.

Peter: I’m sorry again. I didn’t realize that it had expired. I will renew it first thing in the morning.

Then Emma said, “I told you a week ago that you got a letter telling that your license expired. You never listened.”

Now Peter is in rage with his wife and yelled at her in a loud voice, “Emma, shut your mouth, you #$%^#!”

The Police officer then moved towards Emma and asked. “Ma’am, does your husband always talk to you like that?”

Emma: Only when he’s drunk. 🙂

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A drunkard went into a bar & starred at a woman continuously. She’s the only woman seated at the bar. He walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up & furiously slapped him. He right away apologized and explained, “I’m terribly sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look just like her.”

“Why you useless, intolerable, miserable, piece of sh*t!” she screamed.

“That’s Funny,” he muttered,” you even sound exactly like her.”

Courtroom Joke…

Lawyer: “What’s the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up?”

Witness: “He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?'”

Lawyer: “And why did that upset you?”

Witness: “My name is Susan.”

Courtroom Quotations…

Lawyer: “Dr, did you check for a pulse before you did the autopsy?”

Witness: “Nope.”

Lawyer: “Blood pressure?”

Witness: “No.”

Lawyer: “Did you check for breathing?”

Witness: “No.”

Lawyer: “So, there is a chance that the patient was alive when you did the autopsy?”

Witness: “No chance at all.”

Lawyer: “How are you so sure, Doctor?”

Witness: “Because his brain was on my desk in a jar.”

Lawyer: “But still there’s a chance that he was alive?”

Witness: “Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.”

Are you a Gay.?!

A guy finds himself in hell after dead. On his way, he meets up a demon…

Demon: Why so sad pal?
Guy:  Dude, I’m in hell.
Demon:  Hell’s not that bad.  You will have a lot of fun down here. Do ya drink?
Guy:  Of course, I love drinks.
Demon:  Then you’ll definitely love Mondays pal. On Mondays, all we do is drink. All sorts of drinks, party…etc.

Guy:  Hey, that sounds great.
Demon:  Do ya Smoke?
Guy: Believe it!  I can’t live without smoking.
Demon:  Alright!  Then you’re gonna enjoy the Tuesdays. We give you the finest cigars & marijuana to smoke your lungs out. And who the hell cares if you get cancer – no big deal – you’re already dead, right?
Guy:  Wow, that’s cool!

Demon:  Do ya Gamble?
Guy:  As a matter of fact I do.
Demon:  Wednesday is the day you can gamble all you want. Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, whatever you want.  And who cares if you’re bankrupt, you’re already Dead.

Demon:   I bet you’re into drugs.
Guy:  I bet you’re kidding?  Who doesn’t love drugs! I’d do anything for drugs…
Demon:  That’s interesting!  Thursday is what we call the Drug Day. You can do all the drugs you want and if ya overdose.

Guy: I’m Dead already.

Demon: That’s right – you’re dead & who cares!

Guy:  I never thought Hell was such a great place!! You guys rock man. Well, what’s on Friday?

Demon: You gay?
Guy:  Uhhh  no.
Demon:  Ooooh  (grimaces) you’re really gonna hate Fridays pal.

Emma & her husband Rick just left their kids sleeping into bed & suddenly they heard crying coming from the children’s room. Stepping up in, they found Tommy crying uncontrollably.

Emma & Rick however figured out that Tommy had accidentally swallowed a coin & Tommy thought, he’s sure gonna die. No amount of talking changed his mind. Trying to calm him down, Rick made a small trick. He palmed a coin that he had in his pocket & pretended to remove it from Tommy’s ear.

Tommy was surprised.

In a blaze, he snatched the coin from his father’s hand, swallowed it & insisted with a smile – ‘Do it again, Dad!’

Alex, Mark and Steve share a large suite on the top of a 75 storey skyscraper.

After a hectic day at work, these guys were shocked to hear that the elevators in the storey went out-of-order and they must climb 75 floors of stairs to reach their room. Alex said to Mark & Steve; let’s break the boredom of this unpleasant task by focusing on something interesting.  I’ll tell jokes for 25 floors, Mark will sing songs for 25 floors, and Steve tells sad stories the rest 25.

Agreed and the three started climbing the stairs. At 26th floor Alex stopped telling jokes and Mark began to sing.  At 51st floor Mark stopped singing and Steve began to tell sad stories. “I will tell the saddest story first,” he said.

“I’ve left the room key in the car!”