Category: bar jokes


One fine night Peter and Emma were on their way home from the bar and got pulled over by the cops.

Police: Sir, you have been stopped because your tail-light was busted.

Peter: I’m very sorry officer, I didn’t realize it was out, I’ll get it fixed right away.”

Just then Emma said, “I told you to get that fixed two days ago. You never listened.”

Police: Sir, Can I have a look at your license?

Peter: There you go officer, here it is.

Police: Sir, your license has expired.

Peter: I’m sorry again. I didn’t realize that it had expired. I will renew it first thing in the morning.

Then Emma said, “I told you a week ago that you got a letter telling that your license expired. You never listened.”

Now Peter is in rage with his wife and yelled at her in a loud voice, “Emma, shut your mouth, you #$%^#!”

The Police officer then moved towards Emma and asked. “Ma’am, does your husband always talk to you like that?”

Emma: Only when he’s drunk. 🙂

A drunkard went into a bar & starred at a woman continuously. She’s the only woman seated at the bar. He walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up & furiously slapped him. He right away apologized and explained, “I’m terribly sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look just like her.”

“Why you useless, intolerable, miserable, piece of sh*t!” she screamed.

“That’s Funny,” he muttered,” you even sound exactly like her.”

A Doberman, a German shepherd & a Bulldog are in a bar. These guys are having their drinks and a great looking female Collie shows up in the bar. She comes near these guys & says, “Whoever says liver & cheese in a sentence can have me.” 🙂

The German Shepherd says, “I just love liver with cheese.” The Collie says, “That’s not good though.”

The Bulldog says, “I hate liver with cheese.” She says, “Get lost.”

Finally, the Doberman says, “Liver alone . . . cheese mine.”