Archive for April, 2011


One fine night Peter and Emma were on their way home from the bar and got pulled over by the cops.

Police: Sir, you have been stopped because your tail-light was busted.

Peter: I’m very sorry officer, I didn’t realize it was out, I’ll get it fixed right away.”

Just then Emma said, “I told you to get that fixed two days ago. You never listened.”

Police: Sir, Can I have a look at your license?

Peter: There you go officer, here it is.

Police: Sir, your license has expired.

Peter: I’m sorry again. I didn’t realize that it had expired. I will renew it first thing in the morning.

Then Emma said, “I told you a week ago that you got a letter telling that your license expired. You never listened.”

Now Peter is in rage with his wife and yelled at her in a loud voice, “Emma, shut your mouth, you #$%^#!”

The Police officer then moved towards Emma and asked. “Ma’am, does your husband always talk to you like that?”

Emma: Only when he’s drunk. 🙂

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Lawyer : Doctor, did you check for a pulse before you did the autopsy?
Doctor : No.
Lawyer : Did you check for blood pressure?
Doctor : No.
Lawyer : At least for breathing?
Doctor : No.
Lawyer : So, there is a possibility that the patient might have been alive when you started the autopsy?
Doctor : No.
Lawyer : How could you be so sure, Doc?
Doctor : Because his brain was placed on my desk in a jar.
Lawyer : But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
Doctor : Oh yeah. It’s possible that he could have been alive & practicing law somewhere.

No honey, don’t do it.

A girl infers that her boyfriend is cheating on her. So she goes out and buys a Gun.
She goes to the guy’s apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door, to her surprise she finds him in the arms of another girl.
Now she’s really angry.
She opens her purse, takes out the gun, & as she does it, she is overcome with grief and puts the gun to her head.

The boyfriend yells, ‘No, honey, don’t do it!!!’

She replies, ‘Shut up, you’re next!’ 🙂