Archive for May, 2010


Are you a Gay.?!

A guy finds himself in hell after dead. On his way, he meets up a demon…

Demon: Why so sad pal?
Guy:  Dude, I’m in hell.
Demon:  Hell’s not that bad.  You will have a lot of fun down here. Do ya drink?
Guy:  Of course, I love drinks.
Demon:  Then you’ll definitely love Mondays pal. On Mondays, all we do is drink. All sorts of drinks, party…etc.

Guy:  Hey, that sounds great.
Demon:  Do ya Smoke?
Guy: Believe it!  I can’t live without smoking.
Demon:  Alright!  Then you’re gonna enjoy the Tuesdays. We give you the finest cigars & marijuana to smoke your lungs out. And who the hell cares if you get cancer – no big deal – you’re already dead, right?
Guy:  Wow, that’s cool!

Demon:  Do ya Gamble?
Guy:  As a matter of fact I do.
Demon:  Wednesday is the day you can gamble all you want. Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, whatever you want.  And who cares if you’re bankrupt, you’re already Dead.

Demon:   I bet you’re into drugs.
Guy:  I bet you’re kidding?  Who doesn’t love drugs! I’d do anything for drugs…
Demon:  That’s interesting!  Thursday is what we call the Drug Day. You can do all the drugs you want and if ya overdose.

Guy: I’m Dead already.

Demon: That’s right – you’re dead & who cares!

Guy:  I never thought Hell was such a great place!! You guys rock man. Well, what’s on Friday?

Demon: You gay?
Guy:  Uhhh  no.
Demon:  Ooooh  (grimaces) you’re really gonna hate Fridays pal.

A man boasts to a friend about his new hearing aid machine, ‘This is the most expensive one I’ve ever had. Very much advanced and it cost me $3,500.’

His friend asks, ‘What kind is it?’

The man says, ‘Half past four.’

Emma & her husband Rick just left their kids sleeping into bed & suddenly they heard crying coming from the children’s room. Stepping up in, they found Tommy crying uncontrollably.

Emma & Rick however figured out that Tommy had accidentally swallowed a coin & Tommy thought, he’s sure gonna die. No amount of talking changed his mind. Trying to calm him down, Rick made a small trick. He palmed a coin that he had in his pocket & pretended to remove it from Tommy’s ear.

Tommy was surprised.

In a blaze, he snatched the coin from his father’s hand, swallowed it & insisted with a smile – ‘Do it again, Dad!’

Alex, Mark and Steve share a large suite on the top of a 75 storey skyscraper.

After a hectic day at work, these guys were shocked to hear that the elevators in the storey went out-of-order and they must climb 75 floors of stairs to reach their room. Alex said to Mark & Steve; let’s break the boredom of this unpleasant task by focusing on something interesting.  I’ll tell jokes for 25 floors, Mark will sing songs for 25 floors, and Steve tells sad stories the rest 25.

Agreed and the three started climbing the stairs. At 26th floor Alex stopped telling jokes and Mark began to sing.  At 51st floor Mark stopped singing and Steve began to tell sad stories. “I will tell the saddest story first,” he said.

“I’ve left the room key in the car!”

A guy walks into a bar and asks for 3 beers & the bartender puts them up. The guy says “Happy Birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday”, drinks all the 3 beers, pays for it & walks out.

A year later the same guy comes to the bar again, orders 3 beers and does the same thing he did the previous year.

The bartender watches him & out of curiosity asks the chap why.

The guy says, “Well, I have a friend in France & a friend in London. We have our birthdays on the same day. Since we are not together, we decided that on this particular day we get into a local bar & have a beer for each other”.

Next year comes. The man comes to the same bar & asks the bartender for just two beers.

Surprised, the bartender gives him 2 beers. The guy says “Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday!” & starts drinking the beers.

The bartender asks “So which one is dead? One in France or the one in London”.

“No one.”

“Then why just two beers!”

“Well, I gave up drinking.”

A man was smoking at the airport and a gentleman arrived & asked him – “How much do u smoke/day”.

Smoker: Why?

Man: If you have collected the money you have smoked, the plane in front of you would’ve been yours.

Smoker: Is that plane yours?

Man: Nope.

Smoker: Thanks for your advice. That plane is MINE.

Moral: Too much of advice is injurious to health.

The smoker is none other than, our great Vijay Mallya…